The Freakiest Fanfic EVER!
by matrix24-7
Summary: FREAKY, plain FREAKY, that is all, a chilling tale about a love-less Harry who would be willing to do anything for, thats right you heard me anything. MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!


Hello my name is Matrix 24-7

This is my first story so please go easy on the criticism

This story takes place in the life of the _adored_ Harry Potter and after you read it I will give you a present if you give me reviews! Mhuawahahahahaha!!!!!

ME: "A-hem…sorry about that I was just laughing at a joke that my friend told me"

FRIEND:" I didn't say anything funny, did I ?!?!?!!"

ME:" SHUT UP!!!!!!!, don't make me kill you like I did with that annoying little boy who kept dist…"

FRIEND:ARRGAARRGAARRG…*coughing blood* ARRGGAARRGG!!!!….hel-lp!

….oops!!…..ummm wellll ENJOY THE STORY….he…he ….he ….ummm ……..BYE!!!!

Disclaimer- I don't own anything in this story except for the plot and potion………….There are you happy now, blood sucking demons !!!!!!! (Just kidding!)

~~~

"The Freakiest Fanfic Ever!!!!!"

Ch. 1

Psycho (Desperate 4 love) Harry

~~~

It's a few days before the new school year at Hogwarts and Harry went to stay in the Burrow with Ron, 

Hermione ( Ron's current girlfriend),Ginny and (on this occasion) Draco (Ginny's current boyfriend). 

Harry was about to do something very stupid (Tell me something I don't know) he 

pulled himself together and said: "Ginny will you go out with me ?" Whap!, slapped right in the face 

"You know I had a crush on you 'till this year when I finally got over you (Thank God!) and now I'm 

going out with Draco so you might as well go away!…a-hem….pothead" Then Harry went rushing to 

Hermione. While Harry was walking to the room where Ron and Hermionie were in , he was telling 

himself "always write a note on a post-it or something before getting some of that funny smoke in me or 

I wont remember anything!"

"Knock, knock, Ron do you mind getting your tounge out of Hermionie's mouth because I need to tell 

her something!"

"O.K Harry, see ya later babe," and as Ron walked out he said "Stupid retarded bastard with a scar in 

his head…….."under his breath so Harry couldn't hear him .

"O Hermie, why doesn't anyone like me? Harry said in despair

"Don't call me Herime , Pothead"

"Sorry, anyway I've been here for 7 years and never went out with anyone."

"Hey, I think I can do something about that, yesterday I was studying potions when I looked at the 

back of the book and found out how to make a love potion."

"How does it work?"

"Wait , ( Oh my god, she brings her books with her even during the holidays!)…page 79.…page 

80.…ah here it is, page 81, The Amorem ,drinking this liquid will cause the person to fall madly in love 

with the first person they see,……uhu! Ah here we go, ingredients….first " marijuana leaves…well we 

know where to get that from (looking at Harry, not surprised at all) 

"What, I only manage to get some and Its all for a big project."

"Harry, you are the worst liar, I know you really smoke it , you always do such weird stuff ,(this could 

take a while) smoke weed ,steal women's underwear,crucify ducks, eat rat excrements……"

"Hey, when did I ever steal womens underwear!" 

"Harry, I saw you a week ago going through my laundry bag stealing 5 pairs of my silky undies and 

they were all dirty!"

"Yours or not they're mine now….MINE! MY PRECIOUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSES THEY IS BEING !"

"You have serious issues……."

"A-N-Y-W-A-Y, I'll go up to my room and get some."

Five minutes later …

"There we are…2 marijuana leaves…..next ingredient!"

"The next ingredient is a human hair"

"That's easy" Harry said calmly

"Wait Harry theres a warning , a-hem….WARNING: The ingredient that says hair doesn't mean any 

hair,…. It means oh GOD ! The hair that is specifically needed is p-PUBIC HAIR! 

Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrgggghhhhh! . HARRY, I'll turn my head while you get 'That' hair, O.K

"But how, I don't have any!"

"What, Harry are you telling me that you're 17 and still haven't gone through puberty!, wait a 

minute…….hmmmm…..well would make sense after all……"

"No, wait …..The book says this ingredient is only for homosexuals only"

"AND?"

"Mionie, I'm not gay"

"Of course you're not, if you're straight I'm NOT a bookworm!"

"Mionie, IM NOT GAY !" Harry shouted, he shouted it so loud that you could hear Ron's mom saying 

"Oh my god!" from downstairs.

"Anyway, what is the real next ingredient?"

"Hmmmmm…let …me see ah here we go the second ingredient is an eyebrow hair"

"Done"

"And last, the heart of a snow owl"

"Mionie, where are we going to get a heart of…"Harry is interrupted by Hedwig "Whhooo,whhooo!"( U 

may have noticed that my sound effects arent what you would call good , but you'll just have to live 

with it!)

"Hedwig shut up ya stupid snow owl" Harry shouted

"Harry that's it"

"What ?"

"Would you be willing to do anything to get this potion?"

"I'd even kill my own owl in order to get a snow owl and kill it!"

"Oh god, Harry,….. what type of owl is Hedwig?

"A cute and fuzzy one dat I wuv a wot and sleep with on some occasions (giggling) tee-hee!"

"I've said this once and I'll say it again,….U HAVE BIG ISSUES!!!!!!!!

"Urrrgghhh…..Harry what species of owl is Hedwig !?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"

"Umm…..I know, A snow owl"

"And?"

"And its name is Hedwig"

"No, we need a snow owl's heart and Hedwig is a snow owl!!!!!"(By the way if this was a movie , would put a "Please Stand By" sign instead of making you see this seen!)

"Oh right…come here Hedwig" Harry said as he put his right hand out gesturing hedwig to come as he 

put his left hand behind his back which he held a butchers knife.

Slaughter "Whooooo" slaughter, slaughter "whooo" slaughter, lots of blood, lots of blood, dead

Half an hour later "Die, die you demon and burn in hell Bwahahahaha!"

"Harry , Hedwig died a half an hour ago and seriously, U R FUCKED UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Hey thanks, that's the nicest thing someone ever told me….sniff….sniff….Oh Hermit you really are a 

true friend."

"Call me Hermit again and you might be newley known as Harry Potter, the boy who _died_!….Anyway, 

we need to clean this mess up, it looks like a slaughterhouse"

"Yeah it does look cute."

"U R SERIOUSLY DISTURBED!!! Just pass me my wand"

"before you clean it could I get something"

"Urrgghhh O.K but make it quick"

Harry rushed and picked up 5 of Hedwigs feathers that were covered in blood

"I am soooo NOT surprised" said Hermionie looking as though she was about to kill him.

After mixing all the ingredients in the mini-cauldron they waited,…then they put it in a flask.

End of first chapter.

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ME:"O well…..ummm what do you know my friend _mysteriously _disappeared!"

FRIEND 2: "Oh sure that always your excuse "mysteriously disappeared" how la…"

In the background a gun is getting loaded

FRIEND 2: ..Lovingly true umm and Very Entillegent?

ME: Intelligent, you dimwit can't you read … I wrote it in perfect handwri….ummm..go on!

FRIEND 2: And…ummm remember review or there's no real point of writing another chapter!…Good Bye!

(END)

(Not really end)

I don't have much time so listen up im another friend who was invited to this bloody sleepover , in case you didn't notice the author of this piece of this story that you just read is a maniac, now im going to type everything he says so people can know the truth

The author: (speaking to friend 2)"Good now that you finish , its time for the kill, …he..he..he!"

Friend 2: "no anything but the feather ,anything!!!!!!!"

The author: "Cuchy…..cuchy….coo" (and he wrote that Harry had issues)

Friend 2: ….no…no….stop it…stop…ha…ha…ha..ha…*choking, choking*, *Dead*

The author: hey, what are you typing ,stop it ,stop It NOW, NOW I TELL YOU, stop typing every single wordi say …urrggh stop copying what I just said ooooohhhh that's it *goes and picks up feather*, *approaching me*

Me: (friend 3)HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP, aahhh …ha ha ha …c-concentrate m-must finish typing,, ha ha ha…n-no stop….file…..ha ha….save………………………………...........

Hello its me the author of this chilling chapter of this freaky harry potter tale if you liked it just write a review so I know someone read it then I'll bring in the next chapter

ME: I thought I killed you

F 3: n-not yet *clicks on file , save again 

ME;Why you *I bring out my gun*, *shoot,shoot, shooot* *screams*, *dead*

O s**t I wrote that……o well IKNOWTHELAW,YOUCAN'TPROOVEANYTHINGBYE!!!!!

F3;Happy Easter!

ME; WHAT EASTER……DOH, wrong holiday!………………..Hey I thought I killed you?!?! 


End file.
